Vongola's Board of Ridiculousness
by TheDarknessOfHeaven23
Summary: This is where everyone in Vongola and it's ally could post anything regarding their fellow mafiosos. From warning, complaints, and other things that they think should be posted there. Madness ensues as a competition started.
1. Chapter 1

**Vongola Board of Ridiculousness**

**This is where members of Vongola and it's allies post their complaints regarding anything that they found complaint worthy, mostly about the behavior of those in Vongola and it's assocative (e.g. Varia, Cavalonne, Shimon etc)**

**The board's official name is Vongola Board of Warning and Complaints**

**The Warning and Complaint Boards are posted on Vongola's Mafia Private Site, and most mafiosos checked it just to see who had generated the most complaint from others. Ironically, many place bets and competed to be the one that generated the most complaints. Hibari and Mukuro is winning so far without knowing such bets and competition existed.**

* * *

**From: Timoteo, Vongola Ninth Boss**

**To: Reborn, Sun Arcobaleno**

Reborn, when I say that I wish to meet Tsunayoshi, your proper response should not be, "Fuck you, I'm worked enough as it is, don't go asking shits like that!". I'm aware that recent missions have been particularly stressing to you. How does vacation sounds to you?

**To: Tsunayoshi Sawada**

Tsunayoshi, your recent behaviour has been gradually become worrying, how does a psychiatrist sounds to you?

**From: Hayato Gokudera**

**To: Everyone**

This isn't funny, you bastards. Tell me where's my Storm Ring! I know someone steal it from me.

EDIT: Forget it, it's under my bed. My apology.

**From: Tsunayoshi Sawada**

**To: Hibari Kyoya**

Hibari, the next time somebody say that you could fight Xanxus or me if you run around Namimori stark naked, you should responded with a firm "No".

**From: Xanxus, Varia Boss**

**To: Lussria, Sun Guardian of Varia**

Trash, we are aware of that strange feather fetish of yours. But that doesn't mean you should cover the entire Varia HQ with it. No one but you is pleased when they woke up to find the extreme makeover of our HQ.

**From: Fon, Storm Arcobaleno**

**To: Hibari Kyoya**

Hibari, when my disciple I-Pin try to make conversation with you, your response should either be a polite refusal, or actually get along. Not striking her with your tonfa, I undestand that you're pissed, but I-Pin is a kid.

-No, saying "She's your disciple" doesn't justify your action.

-No, you won't get to fight me even if you run around stark naked, put your clothes on.

**From: Verde, Lightning Arcobaleno**

**To: Dino Cavalonne**

No matter how much you ask, I'm not making you a potion that will erase your clumsiness. Sawada is doing a quite good job with his, you should be able to follow his example.

-Saying "It's genetic" doesn't change anything.

**From: Dino Cavalonne**

**To: Mukuro Rokudo**

The next time you use your illusion to make my famiglia's HQ look like a Barbie castle, I won't help you if you managed to piss Tsunayoshi again. I'm one of his voice of reason, and I'm willing to abuse that privilege to get back at you.

**From: Mafia Famiglia Bosses From All Over The World**

**To: Hibari Kyoya**

We sincerely requested that you shall never get naked in public again. The video of your naked run has been spread all over Mafia world, and we're losing female members that way, some of us has barely enough member to run the business and can't afford losing any.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello everyone! This is the second chapter of Vongola Complaint and Warning Board!**

**DISCLAIMER: I DIDN'T OWN KHR**

* * *

**From: Xanxus**

**To: Fran**

Trash, all of us is painfully aware of the fact that you and that stupid prince is fucking, despite both of you claiming otherwise. So, the next time someone say you two were being too loud, you shall not use your illusion to make them appear butt-naked. The other trashes isn't amused.

-No, you fucking trash, saying that Lussuria is happy doesn't justify your action

-Now, you're just asking to be killed. I give you ten minutes to come out from your hiding and cover my ass again before I destroy the entire town.

**A curious note from Superbi Squalo to Fran:**

Voiiiii! How did you make that sexy frog croaking noise?!

**To: Lussuria**

Trash, we're aware that you're a gay necrophiliac. We don't mind. But please, at least keep the necrophiliac part hidden for the best part of your public appearance. You're creeping new recruits out, and good ones is harder and harder to come by.

-Your solution for the latter problem isn't a good one. trash. I have dignity, and I won't pull a Hibari.

**To: Leviathan**

Sometimes, I admire your devotion, trash. I do. But, next time, make sure that if you misheard a mission from me, confirm it again just to make sure that you didn't do something as ridiculous as that again.

**From: Tsunayoshi Sawada**

**To: Hibari Kyoya**

I'm well aware that you're really itching to fight someone. Everyone is aware of that. But, that doesn't give you an excuse to barge into everyone's office like barging into a room dramatically is going out of style, then proceeded to get them to fight you. No one is happy, and you should be aware that Bianchi doesn't take it kindly that her paperworks is all messed up. She have a lot of free time outside of being Vongola's assasination squad leader, you know.

-Now you've brought it upon yourself, Ryohei is waiting for you in the medical bay.

**To: Mukuro Rokudo**

Hibari deserve a punishment alright, but it doesn't give you a reason to help Bianchi poison him, it's just pure evil and nobody aside from selected few deserved such fate.

-Come to think about it, you pull something like this again, I will consider letting Bianchi loose on you. She is still miffed by the fact you stole her lingerie once. I'm not going to ask you what the hell are you doing with it.

**To: Hayato Gokudera**

I understand that you want to curse so badly when Hibari barged into your office. But please, mind your surrounding when you let loose your very colorful language, there are several kids around the HQ at the time due to Bring Your Family To Work Day, and some of the parents filed complaints about that.

**To: Shoichi Irie**

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think that a standard raid include chariots and horses, and Roman military outfit for all involved in it. Not only it's ridiculous, the fact that the Romans eventually fell from grace reduce the morale of our soldiers.

-What did you mean by enacting Roman cavalry image to instill fear? Are you drunk?

-After further investigation, you are hereby prohibited from alcohol. You are one of the very few sane people in Vongola, and I would love it if you stay as one.

**From: Shoichi Irie**

**To: Spanner**

I'm sorry! I'm drunk at that time! Please cancel the construction of twenty robotic horses and the accompanying chariots!

**Reply From Spanner:**

Too late, so... what should we do with them?

-As much as you're my best friend, I have to decline the suggestion to simply destroy them. I have formed an emotional bond with them, much like a parent and his childrens, I simply cannot.

**From Tsuna to Spanner:**

When I commanded you to scrap the horses, you shouldn't have send them straight to my office while riding on one of them.

-I gave up, on second thought, they seemed fun, I will let you keep them as long as you changed their name. No horse should be called "Bloody Finger" or "Queen Stupid Hoe", mechanical or not.

**From: Aria, Sky Arcobaleno**

**To: Reborn**

I thought you've managed to pass therapy a few months ago? Timoteo say that you passed it without much hitch. Your action in the latest mission is just... horrible, horrible I say. Nothing deserve to be treated like that. I've been sending some letter to your psychiatrist, and he say that he want to meet you soon.

**To: Fon**

Fon, you're the last person I thought will commit such a childish act. Put out all of those creepy statues from Colonello's room.


	3. Chapter 3

**From: Xanxus**

**To: Laviathan**

You're not allowed to play "The Imperial March" each time I enter a room, also, I don't need someone to craft an entrance for me. I'm sure that my own name itself already incite fear, and you should never throw flowers around each time I make an entrance, it doesn't fit me, it fit that stupid Cavalonne trash better.

**To: Fran**

I'm not amused by the fact that you use your illusion to make our HQ look like a haunted mansion. Some of Varia members have a quite weak heart, and Tsunayoshi isn't willing to pay for any damage he caused to our HQ after you scare him.

-That doesn't mean you could change it to a gingerbread mansion, just stop.

**To: Squalo**

That hair of yours is a menace of nature. Please cut it to the normal lenght and never let it grow beyond normal. I don't care about any stupid promise and vow, that hair of yours has a mind of it's own if given too much energy, and we don't need another accident involving a radioactive hair and the burning of it.

**To: Tsunayoshi Sawada**

I know you're pissed. Take that carnivorous rabbit out from our HQ.

-Quick, that animal is eating my desk.

-It's eating my comp-

**Xanxus didn't post anything for a while after that.**

**From: Tsunayoshi Sawada**

**To: Gokudera Hayato**

Stop trying to convince me that Hibari is a vampire just because of his catchphrase. You didn't see him draining peoples out of their blood or flinching at sunlight, right?

-What do you mean he does? This is ridiculous, stop sending me those videos

-Hayato, one more e-mail that contain such videos will result in your confinement in a mental hospital

**To: Hibari Kyoya**

Recent actions of Hayato force me to request you to change your catchphrase.

-"I will fuck you to death" sound sexy as hell, but no, it's not a proper replacement, try again.

\- Recent missions show that our enemies combat performance dropped drastically once you used it, carry on.

**To: Rokudo Mukuro**

Leather suits you well alright, but other bosses filed complaints to me because of that. You are banned from leather for the same reason why Hibari should never take off his clothes in public again.

\- Stop trying to convince Hibari to wear it instead, I've been having one complaint too much at the moment.

\- You are hereby banned to wear anything other than regular clothes consisting of: formal suits, and casual non-leather clothing

**To: Takeshi Yamamoto**

The next time you let Bianchi mess with your sushi again, I will personally hit your head real hard to get rid of that stupidity of yours. We don't need another week-off because the entire HQ got poisoned.

**To: Lambo Bovino**

The next time you try to charge your phone with your power, at least consult Shoichi, Spanner or Verde to get you a device that will allow you to do so. I won't get you a new phone if you destroy another one.

**To: Fuuta**

Please keep a certain ranking a secret and never make it public. I understand that you're shocked, but please, keep it a secret for me, kay?

\- Don't start blackmailing me with that, I thought you're the sanest and most well-behaved among the other kids?

\- Please stop asking me about those thing, I ensure you, you wouldn't want to know

**From: Enma Kozato**

**To: Adelheid**

I beg you, please unfreeze the door of my office. I won't try to escape again, I swear!

**From Adelheid:**

...Tell me you didn't just destroy the door.

**From Enma:**

Oops.

**From: Adelheid**

**To: Everyone**

If any of you happen to see Enma, please catch him and return him to Shimon HQ as soon possible.

**From Aria:**

I think I see him coming to Skull's house, try to check it out.

**From: Reborn**

**To: Tsunayoshi Sawada**

That April Fools joke that you pull on Iemitsu is plain cruel, coming to him, say "I forgive you, and I still love you all along", hug him before breaking it off and exclaimed, "April Fools!" before running off is the worst thing that you could do to him.

P.S. I only say this because I can't bear to hear him wailing. Once he stopped crying, I won't give a horse shit even if you bury him alive and piss on his grave.

**From: Aria**

**To: Fon**

If you didn't immediately get those things out from Colonello's room, I will personally give you a punishemnt as I see fit. Who gave you the idea anyway?

**To: Lal Mirch**

You are not allowed to kidnap Yuni and try to teach her to become like you. She's still a kid, and you know I will personally punish you if anything happen to her.

**From: Verde**

**To: Lussuria**

I won't make you anything that could help you to change your gender, period.

* * *

**Personal Message From Tsunayoshi Sawada to Hibari Kyoya:**

Hide, you've been found out by Hayato. Verde is still trying to find a way to return you to normal, for now, please bear with it, okay?

\- I gotta admit that I personally requested Verde to take it easy because your performance on bed is much better as a vampire.

**From Hibari:**

Hn


	4. Chapter 4

**From: Tsunayoshi Sawada**

**To: Varia Members**

Because Xanxus wouldn't be able to post anything here for a while, I will be the one who relay his messages, okay?

**To: Lussuria**

Xanxus say: "Put your belongings where it's supposed to be, remember that I spend quite some fortune to build that body storage for you and Bel."

Don't worry, I won't judge you.

**To: Fran**

Xanxus say: "Please stop calling me that. I know that you somehow managed to peek in my personal childhood diary. Just... stop, please."

Wow, you make Xanxus say "please"? Can I get a peek on it as well?

\- Stop calling me "Psychopathic Manslut", I prefer "Manwhore".

**To: Squalo**

Xanxus say: "A tarzan didn't yell "VOIIIII!", neither does a tarzan swing from a chandelier."

I saw the video... Does a recording contract sound interesting? You belt that "VOIII!" like a pro.

\- You want to channel Katy Perry?... Okay.

**To: Lambo**

Congratulation, you have learned how to make a good essay, but please, next time, don't write a three page essay about a fucking cabbage. No matter how linguistically satisfying the essay was.

\- That doesn't mean that you should write one about fucking a cabbage, please stop twisting my words.

**To: Hayato Gokudera**

Actual dynamites should only be used with buildings and other inanimate objects. Please stick with your usual low-powered dynamites, using actual ones in combat is ineffective and would inflict more damages than necessary.

\- It seemed your idea of low-powered and my idea of low-powered differed a bit. You are banned from explosives until I say otherwise.

**To: Yamamoto Takeshi**

You shouldn't abuse your power like that. Babysitting should be done without any flame power involved. Hana isn't pleased to find her son practically burning with your rain flames.

-Just a note. When I say "Isn't pleased" that mean "very furious" as in "furious like an angry gorilla". I could never understand Hana and her monkey analogy.

**To: Hibari Kyouya**

Stop bringing all small animals you found in your missions back to the HQ. Many members filed complaints about too much squirrels, small birds, etc in the HQ.

-If you couldn't, at least try to control them.

-Oh, and check your PM.

**To: Chrome Dokuro**

Stop blaming Mukuro for everything that you do. It's believable for the first few times, but when you kissed Fran, and say, "Mukuro-sama possessed me.", we all know you're lying. Mukuro confirmed he don't have any influence over your conscience for a very long time.

-Oh, and Belphegor isn't really pleased that you kissed Fran. He claimed that no one should touch his frog unless that somebody is him.

-I don't know what you do, but Belphegor stopped his complain.

**To: Mukuro Rokudo**

Don't you ever dare to put Hibari in a Sailor outfit again. Neither should you put him in a frilly dress. Of course, getting him naked is a huge no-no.

-That doesn't mean that you should put me in fucking one. I'm gonna hunt you down and make you suffer for the next ten reincarnation you will went through.

**To: Shamal**

Stop scaring every man who come to you. A proper diagnosis shall be conducted no matter what, and when our teenage members come to you to ask if there's something wrong in their face skin when they have a rather bad case of acne, you shouldn't say that they have leprosy with a straight face.

**To: Bianchi**

Stop trying to inflitrate the main kitchen.


	5. Chapter 5

**From: Tsunayoshi Sawada**

**To: Byakuran**

What the hell is inside your marshmallow?! I swore if something happen to Kyoya I'm gonna fucking maul you with an axe.

-...I have no comment. Do fluffy hallucinogen actually existed?!

**To: Kikyo**

That's the last time you will ever try to steal something from Vongola HQ. If only that axe isn't a gift from Reborn, you would have probably escaped.

-Don't be a crybaby, you're lucky I'm there to stop him from mauling you instead of joining in

**To: Hayato Gokudera**

Could you please pry Uri off of Mukuro's hair? I don't want to know how it even got there.

-Quick, Mukuro is only two minutes away from skewering your cat!

-Uri exploded.

**To: Takeshi Yamamoto**

"100% S-Class Mission Completion" doesn't equate to "A Few Thousand Corpses Left Behind By A Devil With A Sword". Just as I thought, you were due for a psychiatrist visit.

-I'm glad that Vongola's Phsychiatrist is actually Reborn. Anyone else would probably got killed by... that.

**To: Hibari Kyoya**

Read what I typed for Takeshi and replace the "Sword" with "Tonfa".

**To: Mukuro Rokudo**

With your latest action in a certain mission, I hereby forbid you, Hibari and Takeshi from doing any S-Class Mission. Instead, you three will be subjected to community service.

**To: Kawahira**

I understand that our relationship is tentative friends at best and I'm not your boss. But please, if you're drunk (What does it take to make a True Earthling drunk, actually? I never see Yuni actually got drunk no matter how much she drink), at least try not to build a shrine and demand people to worship you. The local people isn't pleased about that.

**To: Verde**

What the fuck are you trying to make?! A friggin kaiju?! You should capture them all by yourself and turn the box weapons back into normal size in three days or I will destroy your lab.

-Eh, I just realized that your lab already got destroyed by the kaiju breakout. Instead, if you couldn't do it, I will ask Kawahira to curse you back into a midget.

**To: Bianchi**

I don't have anything against you taking appertince as long as said appertince isn't Kyoko, Haru, Hana or I-Pin.

-That doesn't mean you should teach Fuuta, out of all people, why Fuuta?! how to make poison cooking

**To: Hibari Kyoya, Mukuro Rokudo, Hayato Gokudera, Takeshi Yamomoto, Reborn, Fon, Squalo, Xanxus, Dino Cavalonne, and the list goes on.**

I hereby banned _all _of you from wearing leather pants, or actually, any leather clothing piece. None of you have any idea what does leather do to the opposite sex and the gays, and it gave Chrome ideas. She don't need anymore ideas, have any of you ever looked into her sketchbooks?!

* * *

**Yup, that's for now. Btw, if anyone is interested to be my beta, please PM me.**


End file.
